Every morning, she wakes up with one thing on her mind. As she walks to the bathroom, her stomach growls with hunger pangs and her chest feels tight. Looking in the mirror she sees what everyone else can’t.

Poking and grabbing at her thighs, arms and every other part of her body, she’s feeling ashamed. All that fills her mind is how many calories are going into her coffee, if she can even eat, how much she’s going to work out and the emptiness she feels. No matter how much she stomachs, she feels like a failure. All that’s on her mind is wanting to be thin – to feel and look beautiful and the desire to be in control.

According to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, 15 percent of women and girls who have an eating disorder are below the “ideal” body weight. Most people suffering with this disorder see themselves as overweight, even when they’re obviously not.

I never actually meant to be like this,” said an anonymous source. “At first it was for control. My parents fight all the time and often times take their anger out on me. In my head, I needed to do something to make all the pain and frustration go away.”

If people don’t eat, they put themselves into starvation mode, so the next time they eat something, their body will automatically store it and they’ll gain all the weight back. The Renfrew Center Foundation for Eating Disorder says 95% of all dieters will regain their lost weight within 5 years

“My mom has always been dieting. Sometimes, when I was eating chips or some form of junk food, my mom would say, ‘Do you realize how many points (calories) are in that? If I ate that my points would be done for the day.’ Or my dad would come out and constantly call me a pig, that I’m a bottomless pit and just keep going on about it,” said Anonymous.

The Renfrew Center statistics state that up to 24 million people in the U.S. suffer from some type of eating disorder, but only 1 in 10 recieve treatment according to an article by Dr. Greta Noordenbox in “International Journal of Easting Disorders.”

Anorexia and bulimia are the most well-known disorders, but another is EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified). This disorder includes people who chew their food and then spit it out.

“I have always restricted my intake on food. Some days I would be okay and others I would not eat at all, which is a terrible idea ‘cause eventually I would be so hungry I would binge on everything. Later after that, I’d go to bed and just cry my eyes out,” said Anonymous.

The source met a girl online who taught her how to purge.

“I started doing it almost every single day three to five times, and it sucked. I tried stopping after I had lost 10 pounds, but I couldn’t do it,” said Anonymous. “I went home really happy that I was getting thinner by the day and that everyone was noticing, so when I got in I ate a sandwich. My body started getting really tense. I started shaking so bad I almost started crying, and then I threw it up. I physically could not keep it down. That was the day that I realized I had a problem and that I wasn’t in control anymore.”

The source’s bulimia tore her apart from everyone she cared most about. She had been threatened three times to get herself better or she’d be sent away to treatment, but every time she could see herself getting better, it only got worse.

“The first time I tried to stop, I ate for a week and kept it. I made the mistake one day of stepping on the scale and seeing how much I had gained,” said Anonymous. “From then on, I was constantly binging and purging. I had a garbage bag in my room that I would use when we had people over.”

That went on for a while, until her mom found it behind the mirror in her room.

“She made me throw away all my laxatives, diet pills, and all the bags of food I had stashed in my room that everyone thought I ate. You’d think after that I’d be done with it. But clearly that’s never going to happen over night,” she said.

She’s been trying to get herself to recover, with the help of friends and family, since that day at the end of August. Some people assumed after that long she’d be okay, but to her it feels like she’s barely even started. She claims since the incident, her best friend has started to have bulimic habits.

She feels horrible that she’s done this to her best friend.

“Before, I’d probably be relieved that I wasn’t alone anymore, but this isn’t the same situation,” said Anonymous. “I know I have a problem, I know I’m sick, and it hurts to go everyday with the urge to just fall apart all over again, and now she gets to go through the same thing.”

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, eating disorders frequently appear during the teen years or young adulthood but may also develop during childhood or later in life.

“As of now, I meet with a Psychiatrist, Psychologist, Therapist, I get my organs and weight checked weekly, and I’ve also recently just joined an Emily program,” she said. “I’ve been diagnosed with GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease), where the stomach makes way more acid than it should, and may or may not have cancer in my esophagus.”

She encourages anyone who thinks they have an eating issue or disorder to tell someone.

“It’s scary to think about, but it’s helped me so much since my family found out,” she said. “I honestly feel like I will never get better, but at least I have my friends and family back.”